FEBRUARY 7 1988

Hi, it's several days later. Sunday, February 7, 1988. I am in the Howard Johnson's in New York City. And I have a few minutes before I have to be in the lobby to meet the bus to take us to the plane to take us to Washington, D.C., and I thought I would attempt to recount the events of the last few days.

Um, um, on the second day of rehearsal in Albany there was a bat in the theatre as we rehearsed, and he was flying around and around and around, and I thought we should try to harness him in some way and let him loose to fly across the stage during the half-a-bar of the quote from the theme from "Batman" in "Strictly Genteel". But by the time of the show he'd apparently gotten out. He wasn't there anymore. So. That didn't happen.

But the next morning was when Vivian showed up and that's why I haven't been recording for a few days. But I think I can kind of piece together the events...the night of the first show, I don't need to go into what the songs were because it's a matter of public record now, but it was a very good show and there were witnesses to attest to that fact, and it was a lot of fun. If I was nervous at all I didn't notice, and it apparently didn't come across to the audience that I was nervous, because nobody said "Boy, you sure looked nervous up there". And it was really fun and easy and it was just very quick, it was over in a flash, and then afterwards Joe and Marty and Vivian and Jill and Bobby Grimm and Mr. X and Greg all came backstage, for what that was worth - it wasn't much of a backstage, it was just a room, an empty room - and then we all went out to Friday's and I had ten-layer dip and Vivian had nine-layer dip. And then we went back to the hotel and watched David Letterman and Joe made some comment like "some things never change". All in all an entirely rewarding and pleasant day.

(1997 Comment: here, now, is the set list for the Albany Palace Theatre show on Feb. 2: Set One [a VERY LONG set one, by the way] was Black Page, Packard Goose with Stravinsky and Bartok interpolations, Dickie, Lie's So Big, Baritone Women, Any Pain, Jesus, Sofa, Why Don't You Like Me and Torture/Lonesome Cowboy Burt. Set Two was Peace Corps, We're Turning Again, King Kong and Stairway To Heaven. During "King Kong" Frank made me play guitar and keyboards simultaneously while singing at the same time, and also had me recite the "headband" speech from "Teenage Wind" which I doubled on guitar. "Stairway" ended with me on my knees at the front of the stage - all in all a heady experience for my first show with Frank. The encores were Dancin' Fool, Whipping Post, I Am The Walrus and Genteel.)

The next day was a travel day from Albany to New York City. And Vivian and I went down and had breakfast in the Ramada Inn cafe that morning. The Ramada Inn was quite nice incidentally. The other members of the band didn't seem to care for it but I thought it was a very nice place, and HEAVEN compared to what was to come. Vivian went off to have dinner with Bobby and Patti, and the rest of us went to the train station and got on the train to New York City.

When we got off the train in New York City there was no van to pick us up at the train station. The van had earlier stopped at Grand Central Station, where we were, and somebody told them that the band was going to Penn Station instead. So they went 'round to Penn Station and somebody there told them that whoever had told them the other thing was full of shit, and they had better get back to Grand Central where the band was. So by the time they got back we had all taken taxicabs to the hotel or wherever we were going. It was quite an adventure. We finally got to the hotel, I tried to make some calls to find out when Vivian was going to be coming, the phone was an utter disaster, there was no way to get anything happening with the telephone, I called the hotel operator and she directed me to call the regular operator, and when I called the regular operator she directed me to about four other people and finally at the end of the line I was told that the only person who could help me was the hotel operator. At this point I picked up the phone and threw it across the room. It seemed to work a little better after that, but I notice the message light doesn't work and I think I might have caused that. But, hey, I gotta get into this rock and roll lifestyle one way or another.

I went across the street for a pastrami and Muenster sandwich, and asked for a receipt, and when I got back I found that I had no Muenster on the sandwich, and no receipt. They also didn't take traveller's cheques so I could only buy one beer. And that depressed me. And then I got back and found that the Spectravision thing on the TV doesn't work - not that I necessarily want to spend $6.35 to watch a movie, but, suppose I did. And, the hotel is under renovation so it looks like shit, and it's just...the elevator...one of the elevators wasn't working so it took forever for the other elevator to get to where you were...basically: total disaster. Then Vivian showed up and things started looking better.

The next night was the first night, Feb. 4, first show in New York City. Technical problems were myriad. We didn't have that much time for a soundcheck and almost no time whatsoever for a rehearsal. So the show that we did that night was the same as the show we did in Albany, basically, except for four added songs which were "Disco Boy", "Teenage Wind", "Truck Driver Divorce" and, I believe, one other one. As I say, it's a matter of public record. And it was a perfectly good, workmanlike show - I think it was actually much better than I give it credit for being - but, to my mind, didn't reach the heights of Albany's show, which, considering all the technical problems the crew were having that day, was, I guess, to be expected. And Frank didn't seem depressed by the show. I think everybody knew it wasn't as good as the show in Albany, but the audience was very happy. Everybody said it was good. Vivian said that parts of it were, in a way, better than Albany. And in fact I think that the first set in NYC was probably better than the first set in Albany. Lynn Goldsmith, noted rock photographer, thought the first set was great, but that the energy level seemed to get really loose and diffuse from that point on, and that was exactly the same way I felt.

So, the next night in New York City...let's see, I believe that, earlier that day, Vivian and I - wait I think it was the day of the first New York show that Viv and I had lunch at Roy Rogers. Yeah. The day of the second show Viv and I had lunch at a little Thai place. Both lunches were really acceptable and good by me, and I think Vivian enjoyed them too. But Vivian forgot to have dinner both days, so the second day I had to share her pizza. That wasn't much of a hardship.

The second show was...I'm going to read off the songs for second show, just because it was such a cool show: Black Page, Chana In The Bushwop, Lucille, Orange County (ed. note: "Orange County" was the umbrella title for the medley consisting of "Let's Make The Water Turn Black", "Harry, You're A Beast", "The Orange County Lumber Truck", "Oh No" and "Theme From Lumpy Gravy"), Trouble Every Day, Penguin In Bondage, Green Hotel, Montana, Tiny Lights and Pound For A Brown was the first set. And I did a solo that I really enjoyed in "Pound For A Brown", I thought it was better than the solo in Albany. Marty was there for this show also. The second set consisted of "Dickie", "Lies", "Baritone Women", "Any Kind Of Pain", "Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk" --- um...and that was it. It looked we weren't going to be play what was originally scheduled to be the second part of that set, which was "Packard Goose", "Pogen", "Andy" and "Inca", and when I walked off the stage I was very sad about that because I was really looking forward to playing those songs. Not "Packard Goose" so much, since we'd already played it a couple of times, but "Pogen" and "Andy" and "Inca". And everybody was mad at Scott, because when Frank had written up the set list, Scott was afraid that the band was incapable of playing "Andy" and "Inca" 'cause we hadn't rehearsed them lately. This got around to Frank, and Frank got around to Scott and said "I understand you're really nervous about 'Andy'". And Scott said "Oh, really I'm not, I'm sure we can handle it". But when it looked like the show was gonna run long - the first set alone was almost an hour and twenty minutes, and New York City is such a horrible union town that they will penalize you severely for going a minute over what they perceive to be the last moment that rock and roll is appropriate for a town that doesn't stop doing stuff until 4:00 AM, that moment being 11:00 PM - he decided to cut "Packard" and "Pogen" and "Andy" and "Inca". So we were sad. But then we went on for the first encore and did "Catholic Girls" and "Crew Slut" which went over wonderfully. I guess Frank didn't feel like leaving the stage as was scheduled for that moment, but instead of going straight into the final encore which was "The Illinois Enema Bandit", he said "Let's do 'Andy' and 'Inca Roads'". And he mentioned that the songs hadn't been performed since 1979 in the United States - which wasn't true, they did "Andy" in 1980. In any case, it was wonderful.

And then we came back after leaving the stage and did "Illinois Enema Bandit", which is fun from my point of view because I don't do ANYTHING on that song, I just play two harmonics over and over on the outro, so I got to dance around and cavort with dental floss and Scott, and wear a funny hat that said "Don't Disturb Matter" which someone had thrown on the stage the night before. Boy, just a ton of fun, and that was the best show we've done so far.

Vivian had to leave that night. That wasn't good. So the next day I was on my own, and I slept late, and got to the theatre and had a little sandwich. We had an acceptably acceptable soundcheck, and then the show began. And the first set was weird...it was a Saturday night in New York City and fans were going nuts and throwing stuff on the stage, all kinds of little props. And Frank felt compelled to pick up each one and comment on it or work it into the song somehow. So this occasionally retarded the flow of musical progress, to the point where there were many lyrics being left out and things going on, and it was spontaneous and a one-time-only event and a wonderful thing for the audience to witness, I guess, but everybody in the band was kind of hoping to play some songs. That set ended with a good version of "Sofa", so we got a little shot of musicalness there before going away for our half-hour break. During the break everyone kind of sat in the dressing room going...well, not really going anything, just sort of sitting there and thinking how weird it was. Then we went back on for the second set, and it started reasonably enough, with "Who Needs The Peace Corps" and "We're Turning Again" - no, "Peace Corps" and "The Torture Never Stops". And it was actually a very nice version of "The Torture Never Stops". It came off quite well. So I thought things were gonna be pretty cool. But then, during "King Kong", which was the next song, somebody from the balcony dropped their drink over the balcony onto the soundboard, thereby frying the soundboard and ruining a $35,000 piece of equipment. Harry came over the intercom, saying that we could not go on with the show. It was not feasible. And Frank, over the screams of the uncomprehending audience, because they didn't hear any of this --- they didn't know that one of their own had fucked up the show, all they knew was that the sound was gone, and they figured that it was the sound guy's fault. Later on, one of the fans named Colin, who's always around, said that they were all yelling "Bring back Pinske!". Who was Mark Pinske, who was the sound guy from several tours ago. So I had to berate him and explain to him that it was one of the assholes in the audience who had done it, and not to yell at the sound guy. Because Harry is a very excellent sound guy. Anyway. Hopefully he didn't catch too much abuse out there. They managed to get a stereo feed from Bob Stone in the recording truck, and Bob was apparently having enough problems as it was because the truck almost went down, his console was in pieces, but he had to do an impromptu mix from the truck, so that the P.A. in the house sounded reasonable. We didn't know this at the time, on stage we just didn't know what was going on. Frank said we'll continue playing, and whatever comes off the stage is what you'll hear, so as far as we knew, all that anybody in the audience was hearing was our monitors and side fills and amplifiers. Which would have been very weird, but apparently they managed to get a usable stereo mix from the truck. So Bob Stone saved our life. We finished off the rest of "King Kong", and "Stairway To Heaven". Very pensive, kind of serious version of "Stairway To Heaven". I stood next to Ike and glowered. And then we went away and came back and did three songs which we had just barely rehearsed, "The Closer You Are", "No No Cherry" and "The Man From Utopia". At this point, buffoonery was the order of the day because Ahmet and, well, first, Diva came out, and Frank sang "The Closer You Are" to her, and that was actually very sweet. That was one of the better moments of the show. And then Moon came out and Diva and Moon danced to "No No Cherry", very well. Then Ahmet came out, inimitable Ahmet came out, and they all cavorted to "The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou". And Diva did a cartwheel and got a huge reaction from the audience, so she did about nineteen more cartwheels, and then Moon did some cartwheels, and then Ahmet did a cartwheel...later that night I complimented him on his cartwheel and he was genuinely anxious to know whether it actually looked good, and I reassured him that it was good, he wasn't all bent up and it really looked pretty cool. He was happy to hear that...then we went away, no we didn't go away, we stayed on stage for what was supposed to be the second encore, we continued by playing "Whipping Post", for which Dweezil came on and did a guitar solo --- oh! I got a guitar yesterday. There's a new line of Kramer guitars which, apparently, Dweezil helped to design, that have an unusual amount of sustain. I haven't had much chance to play it amplified, but I dweedled on it in the hotel room all night, and it's actually very nice. A nice red guitar, it's called Beretta One - Beretta One, is it? Yeah. All it's got is a volume control, and a good whammy bar that goes both ways. So here I am with a new guitar. Getting stuff. Getting equipment. Pretty cool.

(1997 comment: a few days later Frank took the guitar and had it modified so he could input data into the Synclavier with it, which he very likely tried once and then stashed the guitar in a closet. Easy come, easy go.)

Dweezil came on and did a solo in "Whipping Post" which he was totally unsatisfied with. Sounded fine to me but he was really unhappy about it. So he went away, and at the end of "Whipping Post" we were supposed to go into "I Am The Walrus", as per usual, but Frank was telling everybody that we were gonna go right into "Watermelon In Easter Hay". And I realized that if anyone on stage should know that, it's Bobby, so I said to Scott "Tell Bobby, tell Bobby", and Scott didn't see fit to tell Bobby until Bobby had already closed out "Whipping Post" by singing "You know, sometimes I feel that I AM..." And then Scott yelled to him that we were going right into "Watermelon In Easter Hay". And then Bobby sang "...not the walrus..." So that was actually very funny, and we went right into "Watermelon" then. And the other best moment of the night, apart from Frank singing to Diva, was his last note playing his new Kramer on "Watermelon In Easter Hay", with the most intense series of harmonic overtones I've ever heard wrenched out of one note - quite cool. So the night ended quite literally on a good note, or a good series of notes. But overall it was one of the weirdest things I've ever witnessed, and I hope we don't have many more nights like that again. In fact I hope we have NO more nights like that again, nothing even RESEMBLING a night like that again, but since we won't be doing New York City on a Saturday again, we probably won't.

After that, the bus took us to the hotel where I could drop off my new guitar and stuff, and then we were taken by bus to the Limelight. I'll read to you this card: "Limelight presents a party for Frank Zappa and his band to celebrate the 1988 Tour of Broadway The Hard Way, the new Rykodisc CD releases of "Hot Rats", "Freak Out", "Ruben And The Jets" and "Uncle Meat", the Barking Pumpkin release of "London Symphony Orchestra, Volume II", yes, and, but, also three sold-out shows at the Beacon Theatre. Limelight, 660 6th Avenue at 20th Street." So we were whisked up the stairs, and up more stairs and up more stairs, past screaming fans, past people wanting my autograph, past people saying "Good job, Mike...good job, new guy", up into the VIP room which resembled a coven, with candles all over the place and weird things on the walls and a huge bookshelf which is probably full of Alaister Crowley stuff, and we sat down on couches and acted like celebrities and we got drinks, and sat around, and sat around some more, and eventually left. Occasionally I'd have to go to the bathroom and I'd be inundated by Zappa fans, which was pretty funny. All wanting to know how I got in the band and what it's like, and "how can you do that", and "how do you play those parts" and "how do you play guitar and keyboards simultaneously" and all this other stuff, and one guy saying I was better than Steve Vai, which was pretty funny.

And then I got back to the hotel here - I took a cab with Bob Stone, which he paid for so I'll get the next one; Bob Stone is a very cool guy, by the way - and I sat up in my room here playing with the Kramer, getting used to it and really enjoying it. Then I heard all kinds of screaming out in the hallway, which I recognized to be the screams of [name deleted], so I went out and found him and Walt Fowler, completely blitzed, and they said they were going across the street to the deli and I said I would join them. So we went over to the deli and [name deleted] started, not really harrassing, but sort of, well, I guess it was harrassing but it was very gentle and quiet in his [name deleted] way, this woman at the sandwich counter. And as the conversation, or whatever you want to call it, progressed, and I stood over by the potato chips trying not to be noticed, she got very hostile, and it ended with her just shouting at him and calling him terrible, terrible things, and Walt standing there with kind of a little half-smile on his face, and me hiding. Eventually I bought some popcorn and said "I'll see you guys later" and [name deleted] said "I'm sorry, I'm sorry man" and I left with him apologizing. It was really funny.

And I came back here and went to sleep, woke up, got my bags together, took a shower, they came and got my bags 45 minutes ago, in 15 minutes I'm scheduled to be down in the lobby, and then we're flying to Washington D.C. where I'm going to picked up by Bruce and Michelle at the hotel. And then we'll go out and have a good time. So I probably won't talk about what happened today tonight, I will probably talk about what happened today tomorrow. And you'll hear from me then. See ya bye.

You thought I forgot, but here's the setlist to the third night in New York City: Set one: Stink Foot, Ain't Got No Heart, Love Of My Life, Bamboozled By Love, Peaches En Regalia, Heavy Duty Judy, We're Turning Again, Packard Goose w/Stravinsky and Bartok, When The Lie's So Big, Baritone Women, Any Kind Of Pain, Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk and Sofa. Then intermission. Set two: Peace Corps, The Torture Never Stops/Lonesome Cowboy Burt, King Kong where everything went wrong, Stairway to Heaven. First and only encore: The Closer You Are, No No Cherry, The Man From Utopia Meets Mary Lou, Whipping Post and Watermelon In Easter Hay. There.

Another point of interest: among the people who asked me for an autograph at the Limelight last night was a guy named Rob. He asked me "did you know 'Stairway To Heaven' before you joined the group?" and I said "yeah" and he asked me some other innocuous questions and then he said "I'm Rob Cerreta from 'Mother People'". And I said "Rob!" and slapped him on the shoulder and told him I was glad to meet him and stuff, and we talked for a little bit, and then Bob Stone indicated that he wanted to leave at that point so we did. But that was funny, Rob was being coy, he didn't want anybody to know that I might know him or something. He'd been to every show and agreed with me that the second show in New York City was the best one so far. Okay. I think that's it. If I think of anything else I'll be back.

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FEBRUARY 10 1988

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FEBRUARY 1 1988