MAY 2 1988

It's now a few days later, I'm in...where am I? I'm in Amsterdam, Netherlands. The date...being...that which is...May the 2nd. And, as I recall, I had just got done talking about the soundcheck at Lund. Looond. And, the show that night consisted of.... Well, first of all, the secret word was "A-hoonah-hennah- hoonah-hennah." So, of course, Scott was introduced as, "Scott Thu-hoonah- hennah-hoonus."

And the show was: Black Page, Dickie, Stick Together, My Guitar, Willie, Montana, um, wait a second. Seems like I must have already spoken about this. Hold on, just a moment.

No, I was wrong, I haven't spoken about this yet. After Montana it was Tiny Lites, and Pound (contained within Pound, Frank went into Dangerous Kitchen, which was very amusing, we weren't ready for it, but it just happened), and then from there into Baltimore, Outside Now, Eat That Question (with Chad answering my electric piano stuff), Black Napkins, Disco Boy, Teen Wind, and Bamboozled. Before the show, I had mentioned to Chad that I liked it when he used to play the drums on the intro to Eat That Question, so he said he'd do it again.

First encore was Cruisin' For Burgers. Second encore was supposed to be No Heart and Orange County, but we didn't do it, so I'm going to cross that out right here. Shooooojoop! Then Bolero, Walrus, and Bandit. Whoof, that was the actual second encore. And finally, we came back and did Stairway, and there was that.

And, after the show in Lund, we did...that is when we took a bus, an overnight ride to Oslo. And arrived in Oslo around, we were supposed to arrive there around 8 AM, I don't think we actually got there until 9:30 or so. Vivian popped up before long, and we went to soundcheck at some point, and did these things: Sofa, Rhymin' Man again, Wedding/Handsome Medley yet again, and some Arabic and Hindu folk songs, which Frank was playing while Scott, and I, and Ed kept up this kind of ethnic backing, and that was real nice. I don't think Vivian went to the show in Lund. I believe she also didn't go, yeah, she didn't go to the show in Copenhagen either because she was doing the laundry. And she didn't go the Lund show, but she finally popped up again in Oslo. Which was good for reasons which you will soon learn.

The secret word for the Oslo show was Shaushage. That was a result of a story that someone had told Frank about this dog on British television that supposedly could actually say the word "sausage" but in order to get it to emit that sound, they had to grab it by the throat and jaw and squeeze it and it would choke out the word [imitating a choking dog], "Shaushage!" Naturally, that appealed to Frank, and it became part of the show. The show began with Stinkfoot (with the newly instituted Mike Keneally guitar fills), No Heart, Love of My Life, Packard Goose, Alien, Sharleena, Orange County, Advance (pretty good show, huh?), Bobby Brown, Keep It Greasey, Torture, Beatles Medley, Tiny Lites, Pound, and Stairway. Then, we went away and came back. The audience was going really nuts, really enjoying this show. Came back, did Bolero, the world-premiere of Rhymin' Man, featuring me, and Vivian was there to see it. Unfortunately, the recording truck wasn't working. The recording equipment itself was OK, but the truck part of it broke down, so it wasn't around for this show. Oh, well! After Rhymin' Man, we did Sofa. Second encore was Andy and Inca. Final encore Genteel. Good, long, and demanding program.

After the show, we went back to the hotel and ate. We had ordered our stuff at soundcheck, we actually checked the menu and wrote down what we wanted so it would be ready for us when we got back to the hotel at night. And there was a lot of unhappy band-ness going on, that is, just people not enjoying themselves generally, which is a real shame. But I love it, you know, I'm having a good time all over the place. So I was cool. But, unfortunately, there's a lot of disgruntlement in this band. If only everybody could be happy. But, sigh.

OK, the next day. The next day, which was, just in case you're getting confused with these dates, was April 28th, of all days. Marty's birthday, and that was where I was, no, I won't say that because I'm not sure. We flew from Oslo to Stockholm to Helsinki, and I expected not to see Vivian for a long time because I thought she was going to be taking the boat over and arriving on the morning of April 29th, but lo and behold, she showed up at around 8:15 or so. She had discovered that the boat ride would take about 48 hours. So, wisely, she opted to fly. And I was just sitting around the hotel listening to CD's. I had borrowed Scott's CD player, and I was just taking it easy because I thought she might be calling or something, and instead of getting a phone call from her, I got her! Very neat.

We went to see half of a Leonard Cohen concert with Paul and Chad. We got in for free, and it was very mellow, very low-key. Chad was delighted to point out that the audience, when they clapped along with the music, was clapping their hands on one and three. I quite enjoyed it, and Vivian did too, which was not bad. And, funnily enough, Vinnie Coliauta plays drums on Leonard Cohen's new album. But he wasn't at the show. That would have been pretty funny.

We came back from the concert and walked around Helsinki looking to see if there's any place to get anything to eat in Helsinki at night, and we didn't find anywhere. We found out the next night that if we had walked a little farther, we would have probably hit a burger place, but we weren't quite stalwart enough, and we went back to the hotel and I called room service, and they brought me a cheese sandwich, and Viv got something to drink.

The next day, I stayed in the hotel, and Vivian went shopping. I slept and listened to tapes and stuff, and did the stuff that I was doing when I last spoke to you. Namely this. Didn't get this far to tell you about the fact that at the Helsinki soundcheck we rehearsed: Sofa, and the new bit in Trouble, and Sinister, and little bit of Easter Hay, and little bits of Hotel and Penguin, and Rhymin' Man again. And the show was in the same venue that the Leonard Cohen show was in, which was a mere couple minutes walk from the hotel, and the secret word of this night was "Rudolph The Red-Nose Reindeer." But it didn't show up until the very end. And that has to do with the availability of reindeer as a food item in Finland. And the show was, another good show here: Black Page, Trouble, Penguin, Green Hotel, Baltimore, Sinister, Packard, Big Swifty, Peace Corps, Orange County, Find Her Finer, Green Genes, Pogen, Andy, Inca, and Sofa. Wow! How about that, huh?

First encore was: Dancin' Fool, Whippin' Post, Walrus, and Bandit. Second encore was Bolero. Final encore was scheduled to be Easter Hay, but at the last moment, Frank changed it to Stairway, much to the chagrin of Harry and Vivian who were going "Aw," because they really wanted to hear Easter Hay, because they don't hear that very often, and they hear Stairway all the time.

So that was April 29th, on May 30, we flew, we being the band, from Helsinki to Stockholm, Sweden. Stockholm, Sweden, which is a very nice place. And Vivian prepared for her train/boat/train ride-type thing. Which turned out apparently to be more unpleasant than anybody would have hoped because she specifically went out of her way to get something she could sleep on on the boat, but that area of the boat was not heated, and it was very noisy, and they didn't give blankets or pillows to her. So that was a real dragon. Dragon? That was a real drag, and she's not going to be taking boats anymore unless there's absolutely no choice but to do so.

When we got to Stockholm, I walked around a bit. Unfortunately, it was Saturday after 5 o'clock when we arrived, and everything except restaurants were closed. But, I had a good time walking around nonetheless, and I met Paul out on the street. He was doing the same, walking around. He knew there was a jazz club nearby, so we walked around until we found it, and made plans to go back to the jazz club that night when it was open. Then, I was going to go with Paul, and a bunch of the other guys to a Japanese restaurant across the street from the hotel, but I decided not to, and called room service instead and watched a little TV. Rested up, and prepared to go out to the jazz club.

I was waiting on Paul's call, but he didn't call, so I walked to the jazz club, and it wasn't open yet. There were just a few people lined up outside, and no sign of it opening. So that wasn't very promising, and I went for a walk to the old side of Stockholm, and this is where neat things happened.

I saw in the distance a line of people carrying torches, and then behind me there was a young teenage-type Swedish singing group singing, and they passed me and walked towards the line of torch-bearers. This naturally piqued my interest enough, so I joined the line, and they walked on down to the waterfront, where there were preparations for a big bonfire, and a big crowd of people, and people speaking over a PA system, and a Dixieland band, and occasionally some fireworks, and it was a big Mayday celebration. They finally set fire to the bonfire, and that was very impressive, and the group that I had heard singing began singing as I started to leave, and it was all just a very interesting progression of events. Quite neat, actually.

Then, I walked back to the hotel. Found Paul in the casino with Albert and Walt at the roulette table. Scott was in there too, and Bruce, and Kurt. Ike popped by occasionally, and Bob Stone. Oh! Bob Stone was there at the roulette table, actually rouletting. And Paul said that he had spent about $75 in the Japanese restaurant and decided to blow off the jazz club. So, I got into watching the guys gambling so much to the point that I bought $9 worth of chips, and stood there for about an hour and a half betting very safely. I managed to make those chips last that long, so it was a good deal, I thought. Albert lost a lot of money. Then, we were told that the Club Melody, which is a club in Stockholm, was not throwing a party, but allowing anyone with a Frank Zappa laminated pass to come in for free. So we did that, I took the Metro over with Bob Stone, and the Fowlers were going to come, but they ended up hanging out in Ed's room.

When we got there, Frank was there, and Jim, and Ike, and I had a hamburger, and generally had a fairly good time. It was obviously very noisy and smoky, but I had a good time, and it was a short walk back to the hotel, and then I fell asleep.

I woke up the next day in Stockholm, and I'm about to run out of tape here I think. Just in case I'm not, I'll tell you that Vivian showed up the following morning in Stockholm, and at the soundcheck in Stockholm, we played another new chart with six series of chord changes [click!]

Continued, and a bunch of scales to accompany the chord changes. And a brand new heavy metal song called Dragonmaster, and Sofa, as usual, and Dupree's Paradise. We began work on that, which is very pleasant. And, between the show, I mean, between the soundcheck and the show, Frank met a couple of guys named Mats and Morgan, who are 17 and 19. I think Mats is the keyboard player, he's 17, he's blind, and Morgan is 19, and plays drums. They have a group called Zappsteetoot that plays a bunch of the really tough Zappa stuff. He heard a tape of them playing T'Mershi Duween, and some of their material, and was impressed enough to the point where he asked them to play in the show that night, and I'll tell you about that. The secret word was Dragonmaster, and the show consisted of: Judy, Packard, Any Pain, Trouble, Penguin, Green Hotel, Cosmik, Inca, Advance, Bobby Brown, Greasy, Torture, and Big Swifty (during which...). Oh! Also, Stockholm, Sweden, is where Sleep Dirt was written, in the very hotel where we were staying. Frank was staying in the same hotel as us. So when Mats and Morgan came on to play, I started playing Sleep Dirt, and Mats, the keyboard player, was playing over the changes of Sleep Dirt a bit. Then, they launched into a free-form duet jazz-type thing with Mats, Tommy Mars incarnate, playing unbelievable stuff, scatting along with it, and also playing the stuff that Tommy Mars used to use a harmonized keyboard for: 5-note chords on one key. However, this guy was doing it all manually. Actually, it was like a mutant thing happening. The guy was incredible. Then they went into T'Mershi Duween, beautiful version of T'Mershi Duween. Frank was beaming, and I was very deeply affected. I hadn't seen any kind of commitment to match this devotion to the music like that in a very long time, and it sort of reminded me what it was about. Very, very cool stuff. Frank obviously was impressed also.

After Big Swifty, we went into Joe's Garage, which to me sounded horrible in comparison to those guys. Depressing. And then Why Does It Hurt When I Pee? First encore, Peaches and Stairway. Second encore.... Oh, I got a solo on Swifty. Second encore was Whippin' Post, Dweezil came out. Hello, Dweezil. Second, um, I'm sorry, that was the second encore, began with Whippin' Post, continued with Walrus, and a delay solo with Dweezil and Frank playing. And then Sofa, and then that was the end of the show.

Then, we went back to the hotel, and Vivian was very hungry, so we went into the dining room, and had the salad and buffet, and Frank came in. Came in and sat next to us, and we talked about Mats and Morgan, and a bunch of other stuff. As I say, Frank was very impressed with those gentlemen. To the point where he got their phone numbers and vital information, and we might be hearing more from them.

Then it got late, and Vivian and I went to sleep, and then we woke up this morning, which is May 2nd, and she got up and went to the train station. She's still not here yet. We took the airplane from Stockholm to here, which is Amsterdam, Netherlands, and I did a little walking around when we got here, and watched "Heartburn." The last part of "Heartburn," on the free movie channel here in the room, and Scott called and said there was a concert in town tonight, would I be interested in going? I said, "Of course."

So, we went to The Paradisio, which is just around the corner here. First, we went to McDonald's, and I wasn't hungry, but Scott was, so he had a hamburger, and I had a Sprite, and Bob Stone walked in, and we said, "Hi, Bob Stone!"

Then, we went to the show, and the opening act was Cancel, and they were very not special. I should say that slowly, the opening act was Cancel. The name of the band was Cancel. Then, the headliner came on, which was Faith No More. Very, very weird, very interesting, and I thought quite good band, and scary, because they did the Nestles white chocolate theme song, and then they rocked it out towards the end. Then, they sang the last part of Stairway To Heaven, and then, later on in the show, they quoted the first part of Norwiegan Wood, and Scott and I were just aghast. Definitely. They were really funny, and they did War Pigs as the last part of their first encore. Really, very interesting group, and I bought their shirt because I was so impressed.

(1998 comment - this performance was several years before Mike Patton joined Faith No More, before they became wildly successful. The night after Scott and I saw them, I wore the Faith No More shirt onstage during the Zappa show, and a couple of the Faith No More guys were there. Years later, after they became huge, they started hanging around the Zappa planet fairly frequently - Z played with them on a festival bill in Europe, and their drummer was going with Moon for a time. Anyway, Jim Martin their guitar player told me at some point that seeing me wearing their shirt at the Zappa gig was a huge morale booster for them, a major help at a time when they needed it. That pleased me to no end.)

Then, I came back, and got some peanuts out of the mini-bar, and turned on the TV and "Heartburn" was on again, and I tried to call home, but it was busy. And I did this! And I'm up to date, and I'll talk to you all later, buh-bye!

(..end of '88 Zappa Tour Diaries - that's right. That's all I did. Between wanting to spend more time with Viv, and being generally disgusted by the steadily sinking band morale, I lost my enthusiasm for the taped diaries, even though the tour went on for another month. Sorry!)

Last episode:
APRIL 29 1988