HALF ALIVE IN HOLLYWOOD

by Mike Keneally & Beer For Dolphins
 
ALL THE WORDS
 
transcribed and annotated by Mike Keneally expressly for his wonderful friends at MSI - November 1996

DISC ONE
 
1. CAREER/QUIMBY #1
 
Dog #1: Woof!
 
Dog #2: Bark bark bark bark bark bark!
 
Dog #2: Woof!
 
Mike: Test, test, one two. Test, test.
 
 
One, two, three, four...
 
(Band plays "Career/Quimby". Toss commits error on the ending.)
 
Mike: Oops.
 
Toss: (unintelligible)
 
Mike: Try that line, one, two, three, four...
 
(Band practices line.)
 
Toss: One more time?
 
Mike: Sure. One, two, three, four...
 
(Band practices line.)
 
Mike: One more. Three, four...
 
(Band practices line.)
 
Bryan: One more time?
 
Mike: Sure. (laughing) One, two, three, four...
 
(Band practices line.)
 
Toss: (laughing) Huh, huh.
 
Mike: (to engineer) We won't be doing that much, but it was short enough
into it, and that was a horrible enough mistake, that...
 
Toss: Yeah.
 
Mike: (laughs)
 
 
 
2. BRYAN IS EXPERIMENTING
 
Mike: (to engineer) OK, Bryan, Bryan is experimenting, give us about thirty seconds to just play.
 
(A short improvisation ensues.)
 
Mike: (to Bryan) You gonna play with it open?
 
Bryan: I'm in the head...
 
Mike: ...we go. We up? One, two, three, four...
 
 
 
3. CAREER/QUIMBY #2
 
(instrumental)
 
 
 
4. I CAN'T STOP (the "Mike can't remember the words" version)
 
Crazy men do crazy things.
"gimme all you got tonight" the radio sings...(click)
I would drive a million miles today,
still get rejected, but I wanna play ---
I see the world where people do what they meant to (HA)
Look at that, over there,
(mumble mumble) got a care,
can't help thinking that it isn't fair - ah,
Hope to God I don't become like him,
Will I remember how I felt when I wrote this,
Or am I singing this with my brain off?
 
(Answer to question just posed: Yes, you are, dipshit)
 
Call a cop. I can't stop.
I might drop drop drop. I can't stop.
 
I'm the pawn. I'm the toy.
In this world o'men I'm the little boy
Sooner or later there will come a time
Ehhll I can raise my head above the slime
I'll take a deep long breath and NIN like a moron, wah
Look at that, over there,
He hasn't got a care,
Can't help thinking that it isn't fair.
Hope to God I don't become like him,
Will I remember how I felt when I wrote this,
Or am I singing this with my brain off?
 
(Answer: still yes.)
 
Call a cop. I can't stop.
I might drop drop drop. I can't stop.
 
(A lengthy solo ensues.)
 
Call a cop. I can't stop.
I might drop drop drop. I can't stop.
 
(A nice little improv section here. I like the way it resolves just before
the vocal comes back in.)
 
Faces lie, handshakes hurt.
Telephone just makes you feel like dirt.
Thing they great you think you got the knack
Oo in a conference can we call you back
FROM NOW ON I RESOLVE TO AVOID HUMILIATION (right)
Look at that, over there,
He hasn't got a care,
I can't help thinking that it isn't fair.
(Sung with genuine anguish at my own inability to remember the words):
I CLIMB ABOARD A BIG JET PLANE
TAKE A TRIP RIGHT TO HIS HOME AND WHILE HE'S SLEEPING PAINT THIS ON HIS BEDROOM WALL IN PIG BLOOD
 
Call a cop. I can't stop.
I might drop drop drop. I can't stop.
 
Call a cop. I can't stop.
I might drop. I can't stop.
 
 
5. OPEN UP!
 
Open up
Why don't you open up, open up?
 
Open up
Why don't you open up, open up?
 
Oh, you're so guarded.
Nearly departed.
You live in the wrong side of your heart.
 
These days go on forever
Night's the same as day
How can we make contact
If you never got nothing to say?
 
Open up
Why don't you open up, open up-ppp-puh?
 
Open up
Why don't you open up, open up?
 
You got big changes in your life.
You live in the wrong side of your heart.
 
I drove to the circus, and what did I see?
 
I can't tell if you're dead or alive.
Just a wink or a gesture to guide.
 
Oh you're so childish.
Don't get much mileage.
 
Open up
Why don't you open up, open up?
 
Open up
Why don't you open up, open up?
 
Address the changes in your life.
Adjust to the warm side of your heart.
 
Oh, you're so gua-wah-wah-uh-harded.
Nearly departed.
 
Open up
Why don't you open up, open up, open up, open up?
 
Open up
Why don't you open up, open up.
 
(Improv.)
 
Why can't you show some interest in you?
 
 
 
6. MY DILEMMA
 
Oh, what are you thinking about today?
That little reward again.
If I'm your friend, do you want to play?
Will you just get bored again?
 
This is my dilemma, this is my concern.
Sometimes I don't know which way you will turn.
This is my dilemma, this is...
 
...not my idea of a bitchin' time.
My head hang low with woe.
I see no reason, I see no rhyme.
Why don't you and I just go and
 
This is my dilemma, this is my concern.
Forever let us hold our banner high, high, high.
This is my dilemma, this is...
 
(And now, a guitar solo.)
 
Oh, what are you thinking about today?
That little reward again.
If I'm your friend, do you want to play?
Will you just get bored again?
 
This is my dilemma, this is my concern.
Sometimes I don't know which way you will turn.
This is my dilemma, this is my dilemma, this is my concern.
How can ah convince you we will not burn?
This is my dilemma, this is, aha.
 
(And then, a bass solo.)
 
(And finally, a drum solo.)
 
 
 
7. SPOON GUY
 
(instrumental)
 
 
 
8. UGLYTOWN (Epstein-Barr Variation)
 
False world, fucked world.
Eyes of an enemy.
Ran down to Uglytown and nabbed myself some nothing,
Grabbed up all the nothing I could find.
Treasure it (way), it's all I got, I'll share it with the fucking world.
Let's dance in the sunlight, oh.
 
Blind life, unkind life.
Darkened like-a brushfire hills.
Those flames of frustration and pain, where did everyone go?
 
Fifteen years ago I looked at the stars,
and the bastards spoke to me:
"You are as useful as a urinal in a convent"
And I thought, is it that bad?
Food for thought, now I'm sa-ah-ah-ah (toying with the noise gate afflicting vocal in headphone mix)
 
(A lengthy attempt to channel the world's despair via guitar)
 
One, two, three, four...
 
Let's you and me get useless drunk and spend all of our money.
There's so much to buy, barrels of apples of my eye
Piling up all around, so, whoa...
Let's go down to Uglytown
And get fucked up together
 
 
Mike (with last drop of energy): Five minute break, please.
 
Toss: Heh, heh. Wild. Shit breakin' everywhere.
 
Bryan: Heh, heh, heh.
 
Toss: Great.
 
 
 
9. BRYAN IS COUGHING
 
(Band is testing gear after a break.)
 
Toss: Bryan, play something.
 
(He does.)
 
Bryan: Good?
 
Mike: Yeah. Ready?
 
Bryan: (cough) Wait a minute... (cough, cough)
 
Mike: Hold on.
Bryan Beller's coughin' = "Bryan Beller's Cough-In".
Bryan Beller's coffin? (Soon he's gonna die.)
 
Bryan: (justifiably disgruntled) "Soon I'm gonna DIE?"
 
Mike: Yeah. (laughs)
 
Toss: (laughs)
 
Bryan: Yeah, well, let's start then. Ready?
 
Mike: (still laughing)
 
Toss: One, two, three, four...
 
 
 
10. SKUNK
 
Bleak image that cause you pain.
This palace is Skunk's domain.
His spirit's an open sore.
His whimsy results in war.
 
Maybe it's a battered childhood
Maybe he could never smile good
Sympathy, he never mastered.
Maybe he's a rotten bastard.
 
But he ran his fingers down my spine.
Tried to make his madness mine.
 
Took me to a distant hillside,
Tried to make my spirit cyanide.
Tried to screw my heart and soul then.
Took a step back and told him:
 
"No, you won't be killing my love for life".
He smile a wicked, his tooth a knife.
 
He said he wouldn't let me leave him.
I said I would be glad to grieve him.
He said I do what he shall will me.
I said you're gonna have to kill me.
He said it isn't wise to spurn him.
I said I would be glad to burn him.
He said he making my life his life.
Took myself out a buckknife
 
And I put a cut in his big red eye
Boodehguddadiguddagiddefduuuu fly-hi
I hear him screaming and how he cried
He flying bleeding he by my side
flyin' to the sun and higher
Bursting in a ball of fire
Falling to the earth and water
In the arms of Neptune's daughter
Blind and nearly dead I felt her
Offering me food and shelter
Quiet as a naked schoolmouse
Found me an abandoned farmhouse
 
Then she said to me you must come and hide
I am here for you, come inside
We remaining for seven days
Free from enemy's poison gaze
 
A-wakin' up from our sleeping
We thought we heard a tiny weeping
We took a peek out of the window
Suddenly a massive wind blow
 
And the whole place is torn to shreds
Skunk laughing with one eye dead
He tried to reach and grab my love
That I won't hear of
 
I grabbed the sucker by his collar
Said I'm gonna make you holler
Tore his every leg and arm off
Threw his noggin in the barn trough
Made a stew from his intestine
Safe to say I fully messed him
Then there was a change in weather
Sucker pulled himself together, well
 
Thank God my lady had run away
Skunk kill me with one foul spray
Bleak image that cause you pain
This palace is Skunk's domain
 
(Band plays "I'm Glad There's Lemon-Freshened Thorax In You")
 
 
 
11. GOOD DOLPHINS #1
 
Mike: What were we gonna do next? Uhh...oh, "Dolphins".
 
Bryan: Let's do "Dolphins".
 
Mike: And "Miracles".
 
Bryan: And let's get it right, since this is the...this is gonna be the
really first time we do it on good tape.
 
Mike: Right, exactly. (two guitar chords) Wanna rehearse it once before we record? (to Engineer): We're gonna rehearse something before we, before we tape it. It's only, like, a minute long.
 
(Bryan practices "Dolphins" bass line.)
 
Mike: Buh...you wanna try the, the stupid fast version?
 
Toss: Why not?
 
Mike: Buh doon doon doon gadingg, OK.
 
Toss: Stupid fast?
 
Mike: Doodle a didden didden diddle it, Ba Da Ba Down Ba Dogga Deh Down, one, two. OK? A-one, two, three, four...
 
(The first "Dolphins" attempt is made. Beller commits a strong wrong and bangs his bass to commemorate the fact.)
 
Mike: Ha, ha, ha.
 
(Toss keeps playing.)
 
Bryan: I'm gonna have to...
 
Mike: Eh heh, you're playing solo, Toss.
 
Bryan: Sorry, I'm gonna have to stand next to my amplifier.
 
Mike: That's fine. Ready? A-one, two, three, four...
 
(Band plays "Dolphins" successfully.)
 
Mike: Shall we?
 
Rooster: Cock-a-doodle-doo!
 
Toss: Did you get that on tape? (laugh) You did?
 
Mike (unaware): No.
 
Bryan: That wasn't on tape?
 
Mike: No! That was an...uh...
 
Bryan: That was fuckin'...
 
Mike: That was a practice, I told you that was practice.
 
Bryan: I knew we were gonna get it right!
 
Mike: (laughs)
 
Toss: Yeah.
 
Mike: That wasn't perfect.
 
Toss: No, it wasn't.
 
(Bryan practices end lick.)
 
Mike: Let's look, duh..I think the tape is rolling now, by the way.
(laughs)
 
Bryan: What?
 
Mike: I think the tape is rolling now, by the way. (laughs)
 
Bryan: Oh. (plays blues outro lick)
 
Mike: Ready? OK. I'm very conservative with the tape.
 
 
 
12. GOOD DOLPHINS #2
 
Mike: A-one, two, three...
 
(Another attempt is made. Bryan fucks up again.)
 
Bryan: That was...
 
Mike: Do it again, one, two, three...
 
(They make it all the way through.)
 
 
 
13. SORT OF PERFORMING MIRACLES
 
(instrumental)
 
 
 
14. 1988 IN HELL
 
One, two, three, four...
 
(The song is played, sort of.)
 
 
Mike: Magic.
 
Bryan: Ho, ho, ho, yeah.
 
Mike: (laughs)
 
Bryan: (coughs)
 
 
 
15. DAY OF THE COW - PART ONE #1
 
Mike: Two, three, four...
 
And when the ground goes cinder, the buildings---
 
 
Mike: Bryan Beller. One, two, three, four...
 
And when the ground goes cinder, the buildings tumble in
And you'd rather go to Sweden 'cuz the clouds are nice and the
Weather's really pleasin' and they have good rice
You can jump all you want but ownership of the planet soon reverts to the cow...
 
 
Mike: Try it again. Ha, ha...the triplet---the triplet at the end of that thing's slower. "Verts to the cow."
 
(Band practices line in question.)
 
Mike (to engineer): Ready when you are, MAN.
 
(Assorted sounds. Toss plays a Wackerman-esque drum lick.)
 
Mike: We c---we cool? (chuckling) Raddley dat... Little slower. One, two, three, four...
 
 
And when the ground goes cinder, the buildings tumble in
And you'd rather go to Sweden 'cuz the clouds are nice and the
Weather's really pleasin' and they have good rice
You can jump all you want but ownership of the planet soon reverts to the cow...
 
(Bryan falls out of rank during the last line, attempts to rejoin, fails.)
 
The statel---(vocal collapses in giggles)
 
Bryan: I had it right the other time, goddammit...
 
Mike: Bryan, Bryan...
 
(Bryan and Toss have a real-time xenochronous moment which greatly amuses Mike.)
 
Mike: Ha, ha...just do that rhythm in that part...heh...play that rhythm but do the accents with your feet.
 
Toss: Ha. OK.
 
Mike: OK.
 
 
 
16. DAY OF THE COW - PART ONE #2
 
Mike: A-one, two, three, four...
 
And when the ground goes cinder the buildings tumble in
And you'd rather go to Sweden 'cause the clouds are nice and the
Weather's really pleasin' and they have good rice
You can jump all you want but ownership of the planet soon reverts to the cow
YAYY!!!!!
The stately cow
 
Time to sweat or fret is NOW
It's so heav', it's inev', the day of the...cow
When Bossy stands unbridled, proud, amidst the ruins' midst
Finally ticks off "humans" from the "Bad to Bossy" list
You can jump all you want but it's the day of the cow
 
I speak to you as a man who has eaten more meat
Than you can shake an androgenous country-slash-torch vocalist at
I accept my fiery fate
One less day of living per bargain burger pla-ee-ee-eete
Top of the food chain (for now)
But soon to fall to ashes at the hoof of the vengeful cow
Studies indicat-t-t-t-t-te
The grau may have wrath but edoo not oper...ate
In the realm of the sophisticate
And has she the capacity
To distinguish 'twixt broth-dribbler me
And the vegan in booth three?
 
Time to leave your ivory tow'
Watch it Tex, it's inex', the day of the cow
Wrlehh spite one's best intentions we might all burn equally
Doh doh not PC it's hah be ah be tah be dom
You can robbily da naan it's the day of the cow
 
 
 
17. SNOWCOW
 
(instrumental)
 
 
 
18. SWEATING IN SCHOOL
 
(instrumental)
 
 
 
19. DAY OF THE COW PART TWO
 
So hush little chicken, go grab your bear
Fall deep into sleepy and dream of hair
And of prime cut steaks running blood red rare, yeah
 
You can beg to the Lord to silence the screams
You can close your eyes to the blood that streams
You can ask the Coen Brothers to the direct your dreams
But I know one thing, and that's the
 
Earth's foundation will shake.
Every bone in every body you ever loved is gonna break.
Ain't it a shame?
I know you can't believe it but it's "bye bye"
The night draws nigh.
You can try to kid yourself that this isn't happening,
it's entirely too outlandish but what can I say?
It's time.
It's the end of the world as you know it and you don't feel fine.
Sit back, and wait, and take it as well as you can,
take it as well as you know how.
It's not like other options are open to you now.
It's the day of the cow.
 
Mike: THANK YOU VERY MUCH GOOD NIGHT. Ha, ha. Ah ha ha ha ha. Heh, heh.
 
Bryan: Finally!
 
Mike: Eh. You got that right?
 
Bryan: That was really, really cool.
 
Mike: OK, heh, heh.
 
Bryan: I really dug that.
 
Mike: OK, good. Heh, heh.
 
Bryan: I'm just starting to fucking wake up now, goddammit.
 
Mike: Ah ha ha ha, let's go back and do it all again then.
 
 
 
20. THE UNHAPPY MONOLOGIST (rehearsal)
 
 
(Band plays.)
 
Mike (to Toss): OK, now, go...what was that fake Latin rhyth---rhythm you were doing?
 
Toss: Fake Latin?
 
Mike: Yeah, during...
 
(Toss plays rhythm, Mike and Bryan play along.)
 
Mike (to Bryan): Do something in the hole.
 
(Bryan searches.)
 
Rooster: Cock-a-doodle-doo!
 
Mike: Something rhythmic.
 
(Bryan searches some more.)
 
Mike: But leave the hole for "burr nit". Bomp, bomp...
 
(Bryan miraculously performs a unison bass line with Mike's "bomp bomp" and continues in that vein.)
 
Mike: Yeah. (To Toss:) In that section, go the rock thing.
 
Toss: Ha ha.
 
Mike: Three, four...
 
 
 
21. THE UNHAPPY MONOLOGIST (instrumental)
 
Mike: Switch...
 
Switch...
 
Switch...
 
Improvise.
 
Latin!
 
Keep going.
 
(Toss switches instead.)
 
Mike: Latin.
 
(Toss reverts to Latin in the nick of time.)
 
Mike: (laughing) Switch.
 
Play in 7/16.
 
Stop.
 
OK.
 
Toss: Ha, ha!
 
Bryan: What's it called, Mike?
 
Mike: Uh, that's called, uh..."The Unhappy Monologist." Dedicated to
Spal...
 
 
 
22. THE DESIRED EFFECT
 
It would be my pleasure to dive into the ocean
Find the buried treasure, present it all to you.
Sing away the pain, the chaos and the strain
No love by any measure could exceed my love for you.
 
Wash me clean and make me whole when I get wrecked.
Kiss my mouth and eyes. I beg you to protect.
Give me the desired effect.
 
You say that the bloom has gone off of the rose
A demon inside of you feeds and it grows
Though you travel afar I am someone who knows
That a part of you's staying with me.
For all the acclaim and adoring you've seen
You'll never forsake us, we're building a dream.
You'll never betray me and our little Bean.
A part of you's staying with me.
 
Wash me clean and make me whole when I get wrecked.
Kiss my mouth and eyes. I beg you to protect.
Give me the desired effect.
 
Hey.
Wait.
 
We'll dance beneath the rain.
I'll sing away your pain.
Won't let you be insane.
I hurt with love for you.
 
Wash me clean and make me whole when I get wrecked.
Kiss my mouth and eyes. I beg you to protect.
Give me the desired effect.
 
Hey.
Wait.
 

DISC TWO
 
1. DOT-DA-DA-DOT-DOT-DOT-DOT-DAAAHHHH
 
(instrumental)
 
 
 
2. DHEN TIN
 
One, two, three, four...
 
Don't take this the wrong way, baby
I gotta leave this party now
It's only been ten minutes but I just gotta go
It really doesn't matter how
 
The smell of Dhen Tin, assaulting my senses
The smell of Dhen Tin, getting to me
 
Normally I wouldn't be the one to object
That burny cinnamon aroma
It's reaching my nasality in such concentration
I don't wanna lapse into chewing gum coma
 
The smell of Dhen Tin, assaulting my senses
The smell of Dhen Tin, getting to me
The smell of Dhen Tin, assaulting my senses
The smell of Dhen Tin, getting to me
 
Come on, come on, let's go
There's a coffee shop open all night
You can buy me cheescake
And I'll even let you take a bite
Dhen Tin, Dhen Tin, Dhen Tin
A stick at a time and the odor's fine
Dhen Tin, Dhen Tin, Dhen Tin
But when forty heads chew
It can murderlize you
 
It's chemical warfare and nothing less
I just can't take it no more
Give my regrets to Lolita and Jess
Coat and my hat and the door
Soon it'll be like before
Deal with the Dhen Tin no more
And after the cheescake we'll go the store
And buy a blue box of Farina
 
 
3. CHEDDAR
 
uh...One, two, three, four...
 
 
 
4. THE CAR SONG
 
Mike: Thank you, man...
 
Bryan Beller on bass.
Toss Panos on drums.
I'm Devin Townsend.
 
 
Never seen you try so hard,
never really wanted.
Why'd you have to sell that car?
What's the big idea?
If you were a stupid man
I might understand your plan
As it is, I've got to say
I'm screwed without a notion.
 
Not as though you're deep in debt,
(not unless you're lying)
I can understand the jet, but why'd you sell the car?
Should've kept an eye on you
Should've called the police too
For all you know the jerk who bought it
drove it in the ocean.
 
I really wanted your car.
 
Never seen you try so hard.
Drive your buddy crazy.
Rammahamma dibs on car
Now I'm getting mad!
Take it from a man who's pissed
I could hit you with my fist
Break in half your lava-lamp
Drown you in its lotion
 
I really wanted your car.
 
I really wanted your car.
 
I really wanted your car.
 
Never seen you try so hard.
Drive your buddy crazy.
Where's the justice? Where's the love?
Where's the nearest gun?
It's the finest car in town.'d you sell it to that clown?
He could be a---what's that sound?
It was an explosion.
 
I really wanted your car.
Woo!
 
Thanks.
 
 
 
5. TOP OF STOVE MELTING
 
I like ground zero, it makes me smile.
It makes me happy all the while.
Now, roll over, see the dawn and drink up.
Please wake up.
 
No way out, so why wait to see if our instincts
seem more and more absurd.
That's no reason to...
I say it is!
You young rebel, you.
 
Then you'll see, c'mon, yeah
Then you'll see, c'mon, yeah
Then you'll see, c'mon, yeah
Then...
 
Right now!
Roll over, see the dawn, for God's sake, wake up.
 
I like ground zero. It makes me smile.
It makes me happy all the while.
 
Thanks.
 
 
6. AGLOW
 
What you'll want to do is speak to me of love.
Where we'll want to go is castle in the clouds
I will bring you cheese and sing to you of joy
We'll fall right down, so in love we're dumb.
Love, we're dumb.
 
We're so aglow.
We're damn aglow.
We're, ha, all we know.
We're, we're so aglow.
We're, we're damn aglow.
We're all we know.
We're, we're so a...
 
You are the funky bassline of my life, I am your rock.
We need so VCR, we have each other's eyes. I am your rock.
We'll jump through hoops of molten love.
We'll fall asleep and wake right up and play side four of "Sheik Yerbouti"...
 
..e're, a-we're so aglow
We're, a we're damn aglow
We're all we know
Ad-uh-renal flo-o-o-o-ow
Uh-we're, we go and...
 
If Ronny Graham comes disguised as dirt to filthify and sully our love
We just won't let him just won't let him just won't let him, we will give him a shove
We just won't let him just won't let him, we will be as scrubbing bubbles of love
We jump through hoops of molten love
Fall asleep and wake right up and play side four of "Sheik Yerbouti"
 
And if I have another weekend like the one that I just had
I'll overcome it and I will not let you know I'm sad
I will not take a pillow and apply it to my face
And experiment to see how long before I need to gasp
The golden key unlocking doors of glee is in our grasp
And so the horse of wisdom wings his girth right to our place
 
We're so aglow
We're so aglow
We're so aglow
 
We're so aglow
 
 
 
7. LIGHTNIN' ROY
 
Lightnin' Roy
Lightnin' Roy
(ahem)
Ran all around 'til his head was flame
(all right) (here we go)
Went to a bar and decided to change his name to
 
Lightnin' Roy
Lightnin' Roy
Ran all around 'til his head was flame
(don't do that again)
Went to a bar and decided to change his name to
 
Lightnin' Roy
Oh, Lightnin' Roy!
Hang all around 'til his head was flame
Went to a bar and decided to change his name
(bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom bom)
To Lightnin' Roy
 
heh, heh, heh...
Keep clapping...
It works...
 
ha, ha...
 
Thank you...very much.
 
Toss: Beller takin' it out, man!
 
 
 
8. BLAMELESS
 
(cough)
 
Blameless are you, blame me
Carving a face in a tree
A bolt from above and at this point
My face became me
 
I am the floating face
The children throw baseballs at me
The experts determined I'm six feet wide
And my tears could fill the sea
 
Last week I floated by your house
My nostrils flared with unrequited love
I'm scared for you to see
What has become of me
If there is a God
There's no skin on his face
A fiendish skull that rains terror on me
 
I am the floating face
Without redeeming grace
Don't gloat in your rat race
Don't laugh at my fat face
 
God said "just you hold on,
this was not some callous feat of mine.
Your fate was predetermined in another space and time."
And Face said, "My apologies", both had ginseng tea.
What happened next remains perplexing to a man that's me.
 
Ah, ah, ha, ah, ha, ah-oo ah.
 
Thanks.
 
 
Toss: "Skunk"?
 
Bryan: Really?
 
Toss: No, "Dolphins".
 
Mike: No!
 
Bryan: Oh, we switched it.
 
Toss: We switched it?
 
Mike: Yeah. It goes like this...
 
 
 
9. POWER TO LOVE
 
Doff om semmr emmr aeroplane, yeah
Ah damma semmez ayeh sow, now
Mah sammez amma zamma how's everybody doin' tonight, all right
(laughing) Hah bleddeh zyu manennay ow now
 
'Cause I never seen a bodda bedda bonow, webba dow daut
Manna zyeh zau zamma na nau
 
(Bryan's mic is off) With the power
(still off) Of soul
(..............is possible) Anything is possible
(With the power) With the power
(Of soul) Of soul
(Anything is possible) Wooo
 
Hey, everybody how you doin' tonight
It sure is weird playin' for a bunch of guitar players
I always think I must not be playing fast enough for you out there
Or using enough weird scales, so I hope you're having a good time, out there
 
(Microtonal voice/guitar interlude followed by simultaneous guitar/piano thing)
 
(With the power) With the power
(Of soul) Of soul
(Anything is possible) Anything is possibuh-uhle
(With the power) With the power
(Of soul) Of soul
(Anything is possible) Anything is, eh ecka, eh enna anything is
 
(With the power) With the power
(Of you) Of you
(Anything that you wanna do) Anything is, that, thatcha anything you wanna
do is a-yup
(With the power) With the muh---with the power
(Of soul) Wuddle up
(Anything that you wanna do) Debba deddeloh waddeh beh zyehbudd uh
deddehloduh deddehloduh
 
I'm sorry I don't know the words to that song.
 
Toss: Ahhh huh!!
 
 
 
10. BAD DOLPHINS
 
Toss: Aahhhh...fuck you...
 
 
 
11. IMMIGRANT SONG
 
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh
Ahh ahh ahh ahhh
We came from the land of the ice and snow
Where the midnight sun where the hot springs blow
 
Howba dibba daw
We drive our ships to new lands
Fight the horde, sing and cry
Valhalla, I am coming
 
On we sweep
With threshing oars
Our only goal will be the Western shore
 
Ahh ahh ahh owww
Ahh ahh ahh ah ah owww
We came from the land of the ice and snow
Where the midnight sun where the hot springs blow
 
Out in fields so green
We whispered tales of gore
Of how we calmed the tides of war
We are your overlords
 
On we sweep
With threshing oars
Our only goal will be the Western
 
Sss...
So now you better stop
And rebuild all your ruins
For peace and trust can win the day
Despite all your losing
 
Mike: Thanks.
 
Toss: Ha ha! I couldn't even hold my sticks! You see that?
 
Bryan: I gotta tune.
 
Toss: I broke, like, four sticks.
 
Mike: Thank you.
 
 
 
 
12. SPOON GUY (vocal)
 
Toss: One, two, three...
 
Mike: Eh heh, huh, eh, heh, huh, heh, doh...Fuck! I'm sorry. Start again.
I keep forgetting this song's in three...I'm a rock and roll guitar player,
y'know...
 
Toss: One, two, three...
 
Charge (heh, heh) card
Glass eye
Moose wander freely until they die
Spoon guy
Charge card
Raisins and soup, mother
I'd barf on your ma
If I had raisins and pie
Spoon guy
 
There's an old saying a sailor said to me
Kiss a dead herring and luck will come to thee
This is my failing, this is my destiny
I'm a spoon guy, me
 
Mother, father, what's becoming of me?
Pan-heroic tyranny? Polymetric cacophony?
"Take your pan-heroic tyranny and stick it in a tree!
For Spoon Guy is ME!"
 
Oh yeah!
 
 
 
13. UGLYTOWN
 
False world, fucked world.
Eyes of an enemy.
Ran down to Uglytown and nabbed myself some nothing,
Grabbed up all the nothing I could find.
Treasure it (way), it's all I got, I'll share it with the fucking world.
Let's dance in the sunlight.
 
Blind life, unkind life, ah
Darkened like buh-rushfire hills.
Those flames of frustration and pain, where did everyone go?
 
Fifteen years ago I looked at the stars,
and the bastards spoke to me:
"You are as useful as a urinal in a convent"
And I thought, is it that bad?
Food for thought, now I'm sad
 
(Improv section)
 
Ha!
 
 
(During stop-time section):
 
Audience member: Woo!
 
Audience member: (whistling)
 
Audience member: Woooo...
 
Audience member: (more whistling)
 
 
(Toss starts playing groove for some interesting reason.)
 
Bryan (to Toss): We still got a chord to go.
 
Mike (to Toss): Yeah, there's one more bump, you know.
 
Toss: I know.
 
Bryan: OK.
 
(The band bumps, then Toss returns to the groove.)
 
Mike: HA HA HA!
 
One, two, three, four...
 
 
You and me get useless drunk and spend all of our money.
There's so much to buy, barrels of apples of my eye
Piling up all around, so...
Let's go down to Uglytown
And get fucked up togeh..
...therrrrrrr
Yooowwwwwwwww
 
Thank you.
 
 
14. CAREER POLITICIANS
 
(Mike starts song while Toss is still messing around.)
 
Toss: Are we on?
 
Tie me to the mainmast
I'll hang until the dawn
I couldn't feel more strongly
It's time for moving on
Proper ways of doing things
Improper ways of not
I can feel my heart break
As I watch potential rot
 
Pardon the short notice
But one heeds the heart at cost
I couldn't face the morning
If I let these thoughts be lost
So tie me to the mainmast now
I'll hang until the dawn
We sail without direction
The rudder long since gone
 
A very special episode
Tonight we wave goodbye
I heard there'll be a spinoff
So dry that reddened eye
So tie my to the minivan
I'll...time to hit the road
I feel my spirit changing now
A goodbye kiss for toad
 
 
 
15. PERFORMING MIRACLES
 
An unknown man and his friend
Were thinking about the end
Covering each other in hope
And what's gonna happen down the road
 
Performing miracles
That was where I found 'em
Sitting in a circle
With the tools of hope around 'em
 
One said "this is what's true,
I'm presenting my case to you.
The truth is a necessary evil."
I don't wanna hear it and I don't believe you, ah...
 
Performing miracles
How could someone top it
Been around it and I hope it's not too late to stop it
 
Dah dah dot dah dot dahh dahh
Dah dah dot dah dot dahh dahh
Dah dah dot dah dot dahh dahh
Dah dah dot dahhh
 
The freedom to make mistakes is
Gone along with the breaks-uh
I can't believe it when I hear you say
There might be something more important than survival today
 
Man has given birth to multiple inventions, ah
Miracles are nothing if you got the wrong intentions
Performing miracles
That was where I found 'em
Sitting in a circle with the tools of hope around 'em
 
Dah dah dot dah dot dahh dahh
Dah dah dot dah dot dahh
Dah dah dot dah dot dahh dahh
Dah dah dot dahhh
 
Mike: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
 
Toss: Ha ha!
 
Bryan: Heh!
 
Mike: Hey. Thanks. We just got a couple more, and then, we'll be done and then we'll f...can finally have dinner. Um...thank you very very much for coming tonight, nice crowd, and uh, I hope you enjoyed yourself, 'cause we did. Again, that's Bryan Beller on bass...Bryan Beller! "Bryan Beller's coughin', Bryan Beller..." And uh, and that's Toss Panos, the legendary, San Diego's own Toss Panos on drums. Uh, heh heh heh.
 
Toss: Hee hee. Hee hee.
 
Mike: I'm Adrian Vandenburg, we hope you enjoyed yourself this evening.
 
Bryan: (laughing heartily)
 
 
 
16. LOVE THEME FROM VULTURE FUN
 
(instrumental)
 
 
 
17. GYPSY QUEEN
 
Toss: Ha ha ha ha...
 
 
 
18. SCOTCH
 
And this is my pledge
Whenever I fear those rumors
I'll scotch them right away
When evil words are spread about you
Words swinish and numerous
I'll leap from the ledge
I conquer those who would doubt you
I'll swoop and scotch
And bring you a bright new day
 
I will scotch I'll unbesmirch
>From the shadow I will lurch
I will scotch Unsully your name
You'll never be the same
 
(starting to sing the wrong verse):
 
And when I return to my --- Banana bring pain
I bring the force of the sun and he's a small stain
A pack of wandering dogs With pure hate
Dare to speak against you Dead, they're dead, they're...
 
I will scotch Revoke the bad
Slanderers will wish they never had
Exhibited such bias toward disdain
Never be the same
 
I will scotch I'll unbesmirch
>From the shadows I will lurch
I will scotch Unsully your name
You'll never be the same
 
When-en I return to my room
I sob and sob and sob in my tiny room gloom
Who is there to protect me?
Where is my shining light?
And hang up pork and beans Sob 'til morning's light
 
I will scotch Honor restore
Those who would defy me I'll implore
To cast away words that defame
You'll never be the same
 
I will scotch I'll unbesmirch
>From the shadow I will lurch
I will scotch Unsully your name
You'll never be the same
 
I will scotch I'll unbesmirch
>From the shadows I will lurch
I'll scotch Unsully your name
You'll never be the same
 
Bryan Beller.
Toss Panos.
I'm Mike Keneally. Thanks for coming. Good night.
 
Bryan's mother is here and it's her birthday today!
 
Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
Happy birthday Mrs. Beller...
 
Good night.
 
 
 
19. VENT
 
Jeff Forrest: "Land of Broken Spleens", Take One, we're rolling.
 
The world is full of assholes, they strut and abuse
They disrespect women, they haven't got clues
I, intrepid pacifist, would welcome their demise
I'd speed it along, I'd sautee their eyes
Assholes in a pot boiling
I'd pay to see and buy a ticket for thee
Let's watch them die, let's watch, you and I
 
Homophobes and racists: fuckers and jerks
I'll sponsor their castrations and peelings of smirks
I, intrepid pacifist, would yank out their lungs
The chisel I'd wield, to chunk out their tongues
 
Assholes in a pit, buried
The shovel I'll bring
With glee I will sing
Let's watch them die
Let's watch, you and I
 
Ha ha ha ha!
 
(scream)
(scream)
(scream)

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