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Name: Mike Keneally

Real name: Michael Joseph Keneally

Birthdate: December 20 1961

Birthplace: Long Island, NY

Height: 6' 8"

Weight: 20 lbs.

Hair: Goin' bye bye

Eyes: baggy grey-green-blue

Education: 12th grade

Marital status: very

Instruments played: git-box, keys, bass, drums (ha ha ha), alto sax on "Tequila", bug keychain

Instrument he plays most: xyster

Work before joining BFD: twank blotterer

Type of music likes most: exploding reggae opera

Favorite singers: Simon LeBon, Jesus, Tom Fowler

Favorite band: X. Cyrus F'Tang

Musical influences: Air conditioner

Favorite actress: Phyllis Altenhaus

Favorite type of girl: 6' 7", 19 lbs.

Favorite color: broon

Favorite food: Kraft macaroni and cheese with catsup

Dislikes: Beeping, sore ankles, people with good attitudes, being wounded

Likes: Rumple Minze

Favorite cartoon: Wait 'Til Your Father Gets Home

Name: Bryan Harrison Beller*

Real name: Hesh Aaron

Birthdate: 9:55 AM, May 6, 1971

Birthplace: Charlottesville, Virginia

Height: 5 feet, 10 inches, and 7 unknown minuscule increments of measure

Weight: 1988-185 lbs...1989-220 lbs....1990-180 lbs...1992-197 lbs...1993-182 lbs...March 1995-192 lbs. June 1995 (drumroll, please...)-172 lbs!!! My body really loves me for this stuff. Then: May 1996-180 lbs...May 1997-185 lbs...August 1998-195 lbs...December 1998-190 lbs. I hereby reserve the right to leave the picture posted up on the Life Of Bryan cover page there forever.

Hair: Brown, formerly Jesus length, now chopped to mid-90's standards.

Eyes: Brown, Jesus shaped, but with devilishly pointed eyebrows. A struggle for my soul.

Education: Westfield High School. GPA between 1.5 & 2.0; class rank #376 out of approx. 430. Obviously, getting into Berklee College of Music is pretty tough. Luckily, they took me.

Marital status: More single than I was the last time I filled out this form.

Instruments played: Piano, acoustic bass, baritone horn, trombone (that was really fun for a bit), electric bass.

Instrument he plays most: Electric bass.

Work before joining BFD: In this order...dishwasher at summer camp kitchen (pure hell), busboy, office assistant (accounts receivable at age 14- boy, did their books look great), go-kart instructor (payback for pure hell), food preparer (lettuce chopper, basically), Foodtown maintenance boy, Foodtown register boy, warehouse boxboy, customer service operator for poorly managed mail-order CD catalog, bassist for Boston-area band The Landlords of Soul, bassist and manager for Boston-area band 100 Proof, bassist for Z, part-time instructor for Berklee College of Music, part-time electric bass private instructor. Quiz later.

Work during tenure with BFD: Xerox room boy at ICM talent agency in Beverly Hills, import CD deliverer, SWR amp tester, SWR service manager, SWR clinician, SWR artist relations monkey.

Type of music likes most: Kind that gives me chills in my spine. That's as narrow as I can get it, except I know that I now love zydeco music thanks to Motard Smith.

Favorite singers: Corey Glover of Living Colour (he carried that band), James Hetfield of Metallica!!!

Favorite (recent) bands: Self, Beastie Boys, Radiohead, Rage Against The Machine, Michael Landau, Martin Medeski & Wood, Nine Inch Nails, Meshuggah. And, of course, The Shaggs.

Musical influences: Led Zeppelin, Yes, Jaco Pastorius, John Pattitucci, Frank Zappa (and, subsequently, Scott Thunes), The Red Hot Chili Peppers (Flea specifically), Fishbone, Metallica, John Scofield, Keneally. And, of course, Scritti Politti.

Favorite actress: Pamela Anderson Lee

Favorite type of girl: One that wants me for my mind, not my body.

Favorite color: Purple

Favorite food: Really good Szechwuan style Chinese food, the kind prevalent in the NYC area. Wendy's also works.

Dislikes: Vindictive and/or argumentative people, lack of punctuality (this is starting to feel like Singled Out), California drivers, losing at any of the following: pool, ping pong, Scrabble, Hearts, bowling, Steve Vai auditions.

Likes: Mike

Favorite cartoon: Daria (also see: Cami Slotkin).

*Bryan has his own Moosenet web page. Check out The Life Of Bryan!

Name: Jason Harrison Smith

Rank: Motard, First Class

Serial Number: 8675309

Birthdate: December 2, 1971

Height: 5' 9"

Weight: 155 - 160 lbs.

Hair: Fire Engine Red

Eyes: Green/Blue

Education: 2 1/2 years of college

Marital status: Single, but taken

Instruments played: Drums, most percussion, keyboards, some guitar, some bass, some flute

Instrument he plays most: Drums

Work before joining BFD: Music store, record store, all kinds of in-town gigs

Type of music likes most: Good music

Favorite singers: Paul Rodgers (Bad Co., Free), Ian Gillan (Deep Purple mk2), CSN&Y, Joni Mitchell

Favorite band: Rhetorical question

Musical influences: Miles Davis, Eliane Elias, Joni Mitchell, Deep Purple, Tony Williams, Vinnie Colaiuta, The Who, Bill Evans, Denny Zeitlin, John Scofield, George Duke, Frank Zappa, Allan Holdsworth, King Crimson, Egg, National Health, Hatfield and the North, CSN&Y, Herbie Hancock, Chick Corea, E.L.P., Yes, Gilgamesh, Thinking Plague, Henry Cow, Police, Stewart Copeland. That enough for you? I have more.

Favorite actress: Angelina Jolie

Favorite type of girl: Voluptuous, many curves!

Favorite color: The whole rainbow

Favorite food: Indian (curried, not feathered)

Dislikes: Traffic, people I don't know, money as a way of life, being as ignorant as I am

Likes: Women, music, rainy days, chocolate, cigars, animals, TV

Favorite cartoons: Space Ghost (old & new), most WB cartoons from the '50s and' 60s, most MGM cartoons from the '50s and '60s, Superfriends, Batman, Spiderman, most all Hanna Barbara cartoons from '50s thru '70s.

Name: Marc Ziegenhagen

Real name: Erbelglitz Buzzarding

Birthdate: Februrary 30th

Birthplace: A tiny little island eight degees below the equator in the South Pacific we've all heard about called Samoa (no kidding). No relatives there, though (checking gut).

Height: There was one?

Weight: Sure, but not for long

Hair: Yes

Eyes: Two

Education: Terry Gilliam

Marital status: I'm engaged to be single with my future ex while the divorce is pending our prenupital settlement. Meet me at the funeral shower.

Instruments played: Keyboards, guitars, drums

Instrument he plays most: The Ziegenflute!

Work before joining BFD: Lots and lots. Ask me and I'll tell you, sometime.

Type of music likes most: Theme music from TV shows produced by Norman Lear, Aaron Spelling, and Quinn Martin.

Favorite singers: Whippoorwills, Caprimulgus vociferus

Favorite band: Ojibwe

Musical influences: 1984 & '85 in their entirety, Summer '88, Winter '92, Fall '96, Spring '98, Nightline with Ted Koppel, Politically Incorrect with Bill Maher, 60 Minutes (including Andy Rooney), The News Hour (before McNeil left), Matt Damon, Leonardo DeCaprio, Bacardi Limon, Jonny Lang, Relationships (both good and bad), my ex-next door neighbor who called the cops on me the very day that I moved into my new apartment and who proceeded to do so for a little over a week until he got evicted cuz he'd told the police that I was playing "bongos" when all I was doing was typing on the fucking computer and then, the day he left, he accessed the circuit breaker in my garage and shut off the power to my apartment while I was outta town and my entire refrigerator defrosted, but I didn't find out about it until two days later when I came home from playing a Latin gig in Wisconsin where we nearly had to stop the show because there were tornadoes and it screwed up my VCR (I got several good songs outta this one), MacTalker, this Mu-tron Bi-phase pedal I bought in Cincinatti, the whole BFD experience in general (very much including all persons involved), and my favorite planet, the Sun.

Favorite actress: Jodie Foster

Favorite type of girl: Lesbian

Favorite color: F-sharp minor seven/eleven

Favorite food: Falfels and hummous. Mmmm

Dislikes: People who roll their eyes a lot and never really know what impatience means

Likes: Being here

Favorite cartoon: Ziggy, of course

Name: Toss Panos

Real name: Anastasios Mario Panos, Mr. Ramus, Satan Lungs

Birthdate: February 14, 1964

Birthplace: Athens, Greece or Athens, Georgia

Height: 6' 1" ALL NOSE

Weight: Used to be fat. 12 lbs. at birth

Hair: Almost gone- chrome dome-ish

Eyes: shit brown

Education: San Mucas High School, Palomar College For Retards, M.I. (going to work front door security?)

Marital status: utterly deserted

Instruments played: Texas Instruments, Tyco Instruments, Woolworth Tubs

Instrument he plays most: my meat

Work before joining BFD: none. Some Kato-type, but mostly none

Type of music likes most: BFD-type, but of course

Favorite singers: Pat Boone, Elvis

Favorite band: Raging Honkies

Musical influences: O. J. Simpson

Favorite actress: O. J. Simpson

Favorite type of girl: over 300 lbs. or kilos

Favorite color: dog dick red

Favorite food: Fish Called Wanda

Dislikes: fake tits

Likes: anything black or dark

Favorite cartoon: O. J. Trial

Name: Joe Travers

Real name: Joseph William Travers

Birthdate: August 20, 1968

Birthplace: Erie, PA

Height: 6 ft.

Weight: 160

Hair: Brown

Eyes: Brown

Education: Professional Diploma -- Berklee College of Music

Marital status: Single!

Instruments played: Drums!

Instrument he plays most: What?

Work before joining BFD: Well, I'm 2nd string, so I've never really joined. I just fill in when needed!

Type of music likes most: F.Z.! Jazz -- lots of rock -- so on & so forth.

Favorite singers: Ike Willis...not! Any singer that sounds good.

Favorite band: F.Z.! & then everything else.

Musical influences: F.Z. -- Zeppelin -- Coltrane -- Miles -- etc.

Favorite actress: Jessica Lange, Ginger Lynn, Courtney Cox (just to look at).

Favorite type of girl: Blonde, blue eyes, "C" cup or bigger, tall, likes to wear nylons, panty hose, thigh highs, garter hose, knee highs, etc.

Favorite color: Too many! Red, blue, purple, whatever (did the Beatles answer these?)

Favorite food: Italian Food

Dislikes: Body odor, bad eating habits, obnoxious wanna-be's, people without a sense of humor.

Likes: F.Z.! Fun with audio and video stuff, playing with great musicians, watching inspiring drummers, sex.

Favorite cartoon: Looney Tunes!!

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